Free at last...Free at last

I have been walking around today with two things, a raging headache from trying to blow up a balloon with my nose last night and an untethered, burden free feeling that as of tomorrow morning -- I can do whatever the hell I want (assuming it doesn't interefere with nap time!).

Surprisingly enough, the balloon thing had nothing to do with alcohol or illicit drug use. Just another crazy game my mom and brother concocted for the big Alyea family camp out at my mom's house this weekend. My team not only won those wacky olympics but was also today's "Cicolani Ball" and Trivia champions. Our wiffle ball performance was the only one that lacked. Needless to say, we got to make many trips to the coveted "Prize Box" for which my mom scours clearance racks and dollar stores all year long. My husband and brother-in-law informed us today that not all families play stupid games, have lavish prize boxes, and crafts at all of their family events. Perish the thought!

The latter mentioned "freedom" has nothing to do with the aforementioned camp out. It is directly related to the fact that in spite of the fact that I have not been officially employed (minus my little 10-15 hour a week job I have now) as of tomorrow, I'm really DONE! Following the completion of my tenure with my former employer, I still had quite a bit to do to wrap up some big project, not excluding the week of camp I was the Program Director for last week. So in spite of the fact that my last pay check is long gone, I have yet to feel like the official "Stay At Home Super Mom" that I reportedly quit my job to be. (Hmmm!) And I have been dreading this feeling -- this feeling of "Tomorrow, what will I do?" But this feeling is upon me as I put away the last bits of my supplies from camp, and I feel good. Cleaning out the basement never sounded so good, and perhaps my bathroom might actually get painted after 2 years of promises. Or maybe I'll just sit on my couch and eat bon bons, but regardless...I can do whatever I want. Rather, I can do whatever Ella wants. ha!

I have kind of been dreading being at home full time, and the reality is that I feel quite certain that this is not a long term arrangement. But I am committing to myself and my daughter that for what ever the length of time is that its just me and her (because even when I work now -- she goes with me), we will make the very most of it. I don't want to watch the clock waiting for 6:00 pm to arrive and I don't want to race around, not stopping to enjoy the change of pace. Note that I did not say "slower" pace because where Ella J is involved, working full time every day is a much "slower pace" than keeping up with her all day. If I do go back to work this fall, it might just be for some rest!