Thursday, May 18, 2006

From the land of Snackutopia....

I have had a minimal internet presence this week, mostly as a result of being limited to only a dial-up connection. I know, I 1999.

We, the Rock family, have left our felines to fend for themselves at home in order to care for my mom's aging mutt and tubby feline out here in the woods while my mom/step-dad/grandparents vacation at Pat's parents place in Ft. Myers. Yes, I know, it doesn't make sense, with the leaving your pets to care for others. But to bring the mutt to our house would be catastrophic for our felines not to mention my 1260 sq. ft. bungalow, and bringing our felines out here doesn't sound like any better of an idea. Leaving your pampered domestic pets to care for someone elses even more pampered pets...its what Jesus would do, right?

Spending a week in someone elses house is kind of weird. Its my mom's house and all, but she just moved here about 2 years ago. So its not like I ever lived here or anything. Cooking in someone elses kitchen is hard to say the least. The spice and herb selection is minimal, all of the vegetables only come pre-packaged/pre-chopped in the freezer, and there is not a bottle of hot sauce to be found. But the snacks people...the snacks...the make up for all of the other shortcomings. How my mother isn't 300 pounds is a mystery to me. The freezer piled high with candies, ice creams, cookie doughs, and more. Cupboards of candies, bars, and sweet breads abound, and she has TWO more pantries of food that I make no mention of. I won't even let myself gaze upon what might be in the freezer in the garage.

My mom must have taken the threats of terrorists and disease to heart because food isn't the only thing stock piled. Its not one bottle of ketchup...its FOUR. Why buy 1 bottle of your face soap or wrinkle cream when you can buy SIX. Although I've never known her to be much of a bulk shopper, it does seem that every product in this home has at least one matching mate.

We're tucked back deep in the woods out here, upon a hill, with really good satellite TV. With the rain and the cool weather, there has been no reason to do much of anything but click channels to our hearts content. E thought I had performed a feat of magic when I produced Blue's Clues on the TV without inserting a VHS cassette, Pat is conducting a satellite love affair with Alton Brown, and I guess it would only be fair to mention that I have already way over indulged in a select set of TLC shows that I would love to pretend that I hate, but I don't.

Equipped with a parking spot in the garage (that is attached to the house no less), exceptionally good sheets, and a big garden tub, and one helluva "mini-bar" (minus the liquor) ...its like being on vacation. If only it were warm enough to open the pool. Too bad there won't be a maid to come clean it all up before my mom comes home on Sunday.

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