Borrowed Material

A friend of mine works as the manager at a local garden center. I can usually count on her for some good customer stories, but this one is my personal favorite...

We get all the crazy people coming out when it's this hot. I mean, most normal people keep in mind the fact that the heat index is 110, and it will cool down again. Crazy people, on the other hand, seem to be encouraged by these high temperatures. For instance, this rather large black woman came in yesterday. We've had problems with her before. She buys a plant (or sometimes just steals it), then comes back a few days later and claims the plant is "defective" and wants a replacement. I tell her "NO" each time, but she seems to keep coming back. Well, she tried this little trick again yesterday, only this time, she stepped it up a notch. Remember the part where I told you she is rather large? Well, this time she showed up with NO PANTS on!!!!! She had on green and white polka dot bikini bottoms of some sort. I couldn't look long, but the image is still seared in my head. I walked up the steps to see the biggest sea of polka dots I've ever seen, and let me just tell you, it was not pretty. It only got better. After I tell her, "No, we aren't going to replace this "defective" perennial...the fact that you broke the stem doesn't deem it defective" she had the audacity to say, 'Okay, well, can I have a job? I turned in my application" Who asks for a job with no pants on!?!??!!?!?!? I mean, I thought pants were sort of a given in the whole "no shirt, no service" rule. I guess not!