Party Tricks

Pat often reminds me of an alleged account of some friend of a friend who dated a girl who can produce milk from her nipples, without ever having had a baby. Weird!

A couple of weeks ago, we noticed a lump under one of the baby's nipples. Yes, this is our second child, but we truly know nothing. We didn't know that these types of lumps are common in breastfed babies due to the mother's hormones. I maintain that people tell expectant or new mothers nothing of value. When I was pregnant, all the local ladies and even husbands flocked to tell me horrific birth stories and tales of how many pounds they gained. After the baby is born, its woeful epics of sleepless nights and just how many days they went without a shower. They don't tell you that the important stuff about the commitment it takes to breastfeed a baby, ailments that are common among newborns, and how sometimes you just do what you do to get through those first couple of months. And NO ONE told me that an old European wives tale suggests that drinking a dark beer increases your milk supply. Guinness anyone?

At the pediatrician's office this week, I showed her the aforementioned lumps, asking her to confirm what I had been told about these hormone induced boobs on my son. As she examined them, she let out an unexpected squeal and exclaimed, "Oh, he got me!"

Confused, I asked if perhaps his diaper was leaking, to which she replied, "No, he just squirted me with milk. Look!" And she proceeded to squeeze the lump under his nipple and squirt milk out of his nipple. Our pediatrician, a woman with a sense of humor, suggested that he had to keep a little nip of milk in the equivalent of his breast pocket in case he needed a little something to get him by. Awful young to carry a "flask", don't you think?

There is a woman somewhere in northern Illinois who shares a strange party trick with my 5 week old son. They can both lactate on command!